“I don’t know how to love a man that doesn’t love me”

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One of the reasons I love Ubud so much is the fact that it puts me in connection with so many wonderful people that make me a better person, I really don’t know any other place on planet Earth where you have instant access to quality people and classes every day. You become better just by living here.

I was at a salsa night last year when I noticed a gorgeous Indian woman staying on a couch and she was like a flower to bees. All the men were fascinated by her and tried to get her attention. I was fascinated also. She had something like glue. I don’t know. When she noticed I was staring I felt the need to apologize that I’m staring like that, but she is gorgeous. She took the compliment like she hears this at least 10 times a day and after a little chat, we decided to meet for a coffee the next day. What was her secret? Self-confidence and self-love developed to art level and the really authentic belief that she is the best. Is she perfect? Nobody is, but she feels she is perfect just the way she is, and this is enough.

The meeting was fascinating and we became like best friends and after that, she became one of my biggest inspiration in life and mostly in self-love field.
This woman just knows from the moment she was born that she is a goddess and she only deserves “the best”.

One day, we were gossipping about the men in our life, those who behave wonderfully, that are absolutely the worst or even pigs, she just concluded:

“Girl, you know what? I just realised I don’t know how to love a man that doesn’t love me. If he is not fascinated in me, I lose interest.”

And at that moment I just had an epiphany.

On my God, wouldn’t all our lives be better if we would follow this absolutely simple rule and just leave alone people that don’t give a fuck or two rotten onions for us?

I was telling one of the women from my book (that has an amazing relationship) about this absolutely gorgeous idea I heard and she told me:

“Yes, but isn’t this a selfish way to love?”

I believe this is a very healthy way to love.

My idea of love does not include an exchange, but staying stuck when a person takes the risk of behaving horrible and losing you it is not love.

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I believe that yes, we offer our unconditional love to somebody, but only when we see that, at the beginning at least, the other person made an effort and proved it deserves this honour.

Loving someone that doesn’t love you back and blocking your energy in that person has obviously some psychological and spiritual explanations.

You will tell me is not that easy to just move on. “We have a connection”, “our story is different”, “when we are together everything is from another planet”.

I trust you. Sincerely. Definitely, it is like that.

You attracted this person into your life to teach you something. It is normal for this connection to be “deep” and to be the one that triggers you the most.

And that “something” you have to discover is related to you and your self-value and self-love.

First of all, I would ask you… why is your heart stuck on a person that doesn’t love you back? What attracted you in this situation?

Maybe you consider you don’t deserve love, you are not enough for someone to choose you for good, you are not complete, you believe your value will grow if you will convince the other person to change his mind in wanting you.

All these have a connection with not loving yourself enough. And it doesn’t matter who made you believe like that, your parents, past experiences or something else.

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I have news for you! We all deserve love, this is the main reason we were born – to experience love.

This Universe didn’t give his best to get you here on earth to make you suffer and not receive the love you deserve.

An “unavailable emotional person” is translated actually in “a person that doesn’t WANT YOU”. How do I know that? My studies and self-development classes didn’t help much. I found out the hard way.

I will get personal with you, and tell you a story. When I was younger I was absolutely in love with a man that was “emotionally unavailable”. He suffered a lot in the past and me, in my arrogance, I took this duty of healing him. I was romanticizing “our story” way too much and really believed that in time everything will change and he will choose me despite what he was telling me, that he does not feel ready for a “relationship”. Well… after waiting for him for 3 years to discover “I am the one he needs and I am perfect for him”  he found his flame and I had to witness how he buys a huge ring and proposes in front of everybody, proudly in love, ready and full of hope… not to me, but to another woman.

I suffered like an abandoned dog. Was she better than me? Obviously not. She was just the woman that was right for him. In the meantime, they broke up, but I learned my lesson and it was what I needed to know for my future.

And now, if a man is telling me “he is not ready for a relationship” or he doesn’t behave well to me, what do you think I do? I really trust him, baby!!! Cut all connections and go on with my life, even if it hurts like hell! I want a relationship and even a beautiful one. (This full chapter is in my first book – “I wanted to die, but I changed my mind” – you can order it – here).

We try finding so many excuses for people that we love and don’t treat us well… “They are good humans, but they have been hurt in the past”, “they are ’emotionally unavailable bla bla'”, “they are scared of the intensity of the feelings” and so on. The truth is they are just not meant for us. It is that simple and we have to digest this hurtful truth.

A situation like this makes you realise this loving thing without receiving anything in exchange is only lack of self-love, and makes you realise some things that you still have to discover about yourself. Limiting beliefs or fears and after discovering that you only have one more step to do to change your life. Decide to change.

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You can discover these reasons through many instruments – regressive hypnosis, theta healing, family constellations, my online classes that will be available soon, private self-love session with me etc.

I have been through all this process and instead of losing hope and giving up, I choose to grow, develop and learn how beautiful relationships work.

This is the reason I decided to write my second book and prove to the world that those long-lasting beautiful relationships exist. (Very soon it will be available in the English version).

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If you are curious to find out more, join one of my workshops when I return for a few weeks in Romania (next one will be in June, just drop me a line, so you’ll be the first to find out) or book a private self-love session.

We deserve to be loved and this is my mission to remind this to all the people in the world.

With love, Ana

 

 

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