For many years I thought about myself I was an introvert, and I stayed in a corner, afraid and worried about what people might think about me.
For example, I was not able to enter in a coffee shop alone, to go out in the world to travel alone, was out of the discussion. When I decided to do it, it was a huge, huge walking out of my comfort zone.
Even now I laugh when I remember years ago I was asking my dates that were proposing me to meet directly at the restaurant (My God, I still can’t believe I was accepting something like this :))) to come to take me from the entrance “because I am too beautiful and everybody is looking at me” was my favourite excuse, but in fact, I was afraid to enter a crowded place alone, I was super nervous like I had to do something very difficult.
Meanwhile, I passed the age of 30 and, the hand of the little shy cancer that was holding me went to second place and the courageous Gemini ascendent came to the surface. I realised that if I will always wait for someone to take my hand, I will miss a lot of things and also, I realised I limit myself a lot, I have in my soul big plans and I want to explore a lot.
I discovered with baby steps that I like to travel alone.
In a happy situation, my friends that I was visiting Budapest with, went to a game and I stayed an entire day with myself to discover the city.
I took a one day ticket for the touristic bus and I stopped to all the places I found interesting. It was for the first time when I asked some strangers to take a picture for me. I was sooo nervous, but I was visiting a castle and because I am a princess, I just couldn’t leave that place without a picture. I asked two people and they had huge smiles on their faces, they were really happy to help me. I don’t know why in my head I had all these bad scenarios and I was expecting them to roll their eyes and say no. (From this situation, I discovered myself a few years later, that some people asked me if I want them to take some pictures of me while I was admiring a beautiful rock near the sea in Bali).
When I got hungry, I went on a street that was not crowded with tourists and I found a little restaurant, like a boutique… took myself out to lunch. Everybody was treating me with smiles and I was so happy I just couldn’t believe this is what I was afraid of.
From that time a few years had passed, and I shocked everyone when I announced I will move to Bali alone at least 6 months.
– Oh my God, what will you do? Will you feel alone, will you get bored? I said to everyone that I will see what I will do and that I really have to try this, to test on my own skin how it feels.
The most important conclusion is that I adore travelling alone and all the thoughts that I heard before leaving were the fears of the people telling me stuff, but they had no connection with me.
Being proud that I decided not to listen to them, I discovered about myself that I can manage absolutely all the situations that show up, but also I can ask and receive help. I can ask about absolutely anything, no matter how stupid, I am nobody in a place where nobody knows me, what could happen?
I remember I am alone only when other people tell me that, but the truth is you are not alone too much because there are always new people to know and discover, and I also have spontaneous friends that decide to visit me wherever I am.
Did you ever notice that when you travel with someone, most of the times you have your own Universe and you don’t allow someone new to get in it? When you travel alone, you have to, you need a photo, an indications or even physical help so you become more open.
To travel with someone and both parts to be happy you have to have huge compatibility, even the smallest incident is able to ruin your trip. I learned this very early in my life and only a few people were able to fit perfectly with me and my rhythm. When you travel with one or more people, the situations have to be build to please everybody, you have to compromise sometimes and if you don’t love that person enough, I observed that this compromising thing for me is very difficult.
So, until I find my perfect companion, I like to make my own program, to make my own research to see where I want to go, I like to please myself only, to not hear reproaches that I am selfish and to not be questioned why I don’t want to do some stuff. I love to decide what to visit, where I eat, how much I stay, how much I spend at home working. I don’t deny it… when I went with my ex-partner in a vacation and he took care of everything it was nice and comfortable, but the chemistry of #travelbuddies it’s very rare and if I don’t have this now, I’ll definitely not stay at home waiting.
I love to eat alone (actually… I like to eat, period… my belly without abs it’s a prove of that) because I enjoy the food differently, I concentrate on what I eat, on the actual process and I had a shock after a few months of going out to eat alone, when I realised that I didn’t enjoy the food enough when someone was trying to have a conversation with me during dinner.
Travelling alone can be a challenge sometimes because, until 30, I took care to avoid all the situations that could be uncomfortable for me, and now I am obligating myself to see what can I do, how far can I go? So, I have to do new stuff, to meet new people, to find new solutions for new problems.
You get bored only if you are a boring person – I always have a new idea to write, a new job from my clients, a book to read, a class to take, a message to send or an experience to live. I get bored mostly when I am with people, and I will make this visible because for me, gossiping, crying about stuff and staying on the phone in my company represent losing my time.
Another relevant reason why I travel alone is the fact that almost all my friends are married, have a family or jobs that require a specific place.
I had at some point a potential #travelpartner but I discovered that for her I was just a “specific situation friend” not necessarily an important and relevant person in her life.
I didn’t know that term at that time but I realised I consider my company is valuable, and for me, nothing is for a specific “conjuncture”. With me, everything is with soul, passion, care and if we spend time with one another, this means something for me. I want all or nothing from the people in my life because I offer the same. Not everyone can offer that… here it is another reason why I travel alone.
To travel alone can help you feel invincible. And this is how I feel every time I realise how happy I am and that this happiness is created entirely by me, does not depend on anybody, no one can take it from me, nobody can give it to me. Happiness is built in my soul.
And you will ask me – Ok, honey… you are happy, so in these conditions does someone else have a place beside you?
The complete answer – in my first book – “I wanted to die, but I changed my mind“.
“Even the loneliness years when I have been my own comfortable company have shaped me and being alone isn’t only pleasant but also necessary for the time being, I have reached a straightforward conclusion I have guessed for many time before… we don’t need another person to complete the whole, yes indeed, we are one by ourselves and don’t need the other half but “each of us is in a search for connecting with the peers and the Universe at large. We cannot fully experience life unless we are holding a tight-knit bond with another human being and beyond this, a feeling of connection with the world around us.” – Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix, PhD.
No matter how much I do love myself and no matter how happy I could be in my own and single company, I realise that life shared in a couple relationship is by far more abundant. Not because you would complete or support me in a way, but because you would show me the world from your outlook, you would add value, and above all, you would enrich me by standing next to me in love and sharing our life experiences. The rumours spread two minds would be better than a single one, and fortunately, I am not in “pain” of self-sufficiency.”