“When my becoming aware of the dead end of the future with each man wherein I have sought You, every time it seemed to me like living a small size end of my personal world.. and not as I felt my world would finish with him, no matter who was him, but for every time I was realizing how far was I from turning my dream into reality.” (Book – I wanted to die, but I changed my mind).
The end of a relationship is painful especially because you discover, once again, how far you are from the fulfillment of your dream, the desired relationship, the imagined story and not necessarily because you “lose” a person you love, most of the time knowing yourself, that it is not, in fact, the right person for you.
After all, no matter how many lessons we have to learn, how many problems we recognize we still have to solve, we want to experience life in communion, in partnership. Things are richer and fuller of flavor when feelings are shared, they are seen from two perspectives and especially you know that next to you is someone who really cares what you feel, what hurts you, who sees to the depths of your heart and loves you and accept anyway.
That is why many who have dysfunctional relationships prefer them to loneliness.
Loneliness is for strong people. You have to have a certain construction and a base of indestructible pieces to have a success that you are proud of and when you return home to have no one to share it with.
You also need to have the resources to rebuild yourself when you have a disappointment, when you are upset, and no one cares enough not to tell you the classic lie “it’s going to be okay” (no one knows what it’s going to be like) but to offer you their shoulder and allow you to recharge in a hug.
And… is especially difficult when you are away from home and surrounded by conjuncture friends, people that do not necessarily care about you, but the situation makes you spend part of your life sharing certain experiences and places. For those who feel – all or nothing, these superficial relationships are not satisfactory, it is clearly not easy to be away from people who really love you.
“Each of us is in a search for connecting with the peers and the Universe at large. We cannot fully experience life unless we are holding a tight-knit bond with another human being and beyond this, a feeling of connection with the world around us.” – Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix, PhD.
So, it’s not healthy to put your hat down and say “All right, I give up love!” nor to desperately seek love everywhere – in every outing, in every look, in every opportunity.
“But what is the solution” you will ask me full of nerves, I know what it’s like and I asked the same.
Attracting the right partner depends on us only insofar as the more we invest in ourselves, the closer that right time is and the version we bring into the relationship is better prepared and able to open up in a real partnership, to be triggered less, to deal with misunderstandings more easily. Because as I presented in my book “The Secrets of Lasting Relationships – What unites us & What makes us stay together?” the partnership is not always pink, life brings all kinds of challenges and depending on how well we do our homework we are better equipped to face them, to get over them in support and by hand.
I can’t promise you that your right time will come soon, but the certainty I want to remind you is that yes, the more you work and invest in yourself, the more people you attract reflect you, they are able to mirror the beauty of your soul more. Because what you are – you attract, investment in yourself is rewarded with better quality people.
There are people who reflect your beauty, there are people who reflect your wounds screaming to be noticed, there are people who reflect your less beautiful parts that you still have to work on.
And yes, it’s terribly annoying, I found myself nervous hundreds of times screaming at the Universe that I’m tired of work, I want to enjoy life, to take a break from so much “evolving” but in reality life itself is a permanent process of evolution. Even the fact that we smiled at a person instead of getting annoyed that he took our place on the subway is a lesson, a small step in our evolution, that we choose to enjoy the rain, instead of wailing and so on.
So invest in yourself all the time, whether you’re in a partnership or not. Your inner transformations are always reflected in the people around you.
- Write on a piece of paper who you are and what you really want from life
- What you learned from people in the past
- What do you want to experience with those of the future and especially how do you want to feel, what emotions do you want to experience?
- Go on vacation alone
- Read more, read the right books
- Believe less what others are saying and ask yourself more often what your heart really thinks
- Go to personal development courses
- Look around for synchronicities, the Universe is constantly talking to you, you just have to notice more.